So, I have a lot to update you on… I’ve been slacking. But I don’t know how to lead into this, so shoot… I am so blown away/overwhelmed/grateful for the lord. It has been a hard journey, the last 4 months of my life have completely changed my whole plan… And to be honest, I am one that needs constant reassurance… I hate that about myself.
But In my weakness, He is made strong.
Let me tell you…. that is the truest verse. Because I do consider that a weakness, and It’s easy to think of Jesus having SO many bigger issues to handle, but then he takes me aside to a quite place in my madness and shows me the realness of himself. He shows me that he knows me uniquely.
I once heard That God doesn’t love us equally. And I was like what? (this guy must be a quack). but I learned it to be true. Because no one is the same. You don’t love your kids/dogs/friends the same either. You love them uniquely. God loves all of us, but He loves us differently, uniquely.
Think about it, each relationship you have is different. you can’t always talk to each person the same. God knows me. More than anyone I have ever let in. And that is being proven every day of this, because he has shown me that he knows how to talk to me. He knows what I need. and how i need it. when i need it. when to be harsh. when to be loving. He. Knows. ME. The real me!
….And he knows that I need that constant reassurance that I shouldn’t need… But he has given it to me many many many times, because he cares about my needs and my worries and my doubts. He cares about my heart. And it has taken getting to a broken place….(allowing myself to get to a broken place,,, as an independent strong willed slightly stubborn woman), to realize everything I have tried to put into a relationship, or person; the acceptance and constant reassurance I’ve needed, the fears of being left again, (I have wounds still from certain people leaving my life)… I had to get to a broken place to REALLY allow God in to see my insecurities, and be honest with myself about my issues. To get humble and allow Him to work on me. You hear people talking about that, “getting to rock bottom, and letting Jesus come in and restore…..” all the churchy words,,, (I’m not downplaying it by any means. ) But I’ve thought I was there before. I thought I was at a place where “ok this is it, I’m giving myself over to the Lord because I NEED him.” But this is different. This is what I’ve been talking about. That “low” spot, but where you just feel the Lord’s love in a way you never thought possible. and it’s not that I”Need fixing”, It’s that I want God to grow me into more of a woman after his heart… So this is Love.
This isn’t a forced surrender. This is a loving surrender.
Your Love Is Strong 